


Observations

by DrakeAnnDisorderly



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Non-Consensual Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 00:34:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10686132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrakeAnnDisorderly/pseuds/DrakeAnnDisorderly
Summary: You've been having some heavy personal conflicts and don't know any other way to handle it. Unbeknownst to you, Lucifer's been watching your struggle.





	Observations

You stood quietly waiting for the claw-foot bathtub to fill. Steam rose from the near scalding water pouring in, filling the room and your lungs with weight. This is how you liked it. This heaviness blotted out the rest of the world like a hungry mist. It was dark except for a few candles only glowing to orient the room. You whispered to yourself, “One could get lost in this darkness.”  
  
You worked the cold hinge with your thumb of the straight razor you had dug out of the drawer. Easing yourself in to the now still pool you leaned against the chilly wall opposite the elegant arched faucet.  
  
You let yourself sink to the bridge of your nose, still clutching the blade, and begin to softly cry. Through the tears, the candles seemed to flicker for a moment in the mist.  
  
    *********  
  
Lucifer sat perched cross-legged on the bathroom counter watching you. Watched you come in, light a few candles, start the water running, and gotten the razor from the back of the drawer he was sitting above. He watched this routine of yours. He watched you getting undressed in the candlelight and seeing the room fill with heat. He watched you cry in the depths so you wouldn’t make a sound. Unmoving, he watched in silence as you hold the dull side of the blade to your chest under the water. This had become your routine and he couldn’t look away.

Stirring the air as his wings folded behind him Cas became alarmed hearing you cry in his head and began to move to your aide when Lucifer stopped him.  
  
Cas was clearly upset at this action. ”What are you doing? She needs help. Why are you just hiding in the shadows watching?”  
  
”Calm yourself, Hot Wings, she’s not going to do it.” He kept watching your hands as they moved about underwater.  
  
”What? How do you know that?” Cas eyed him suspiciously. “I’m going to go get Dean.”  
  
”NO. Cas. Leave it be. This is her normal. This is what she does.” He paused, “And do you really want to explain to your boyfriend why you were invisible in the bathroom with me watching her bathe? Naked?” He didn’t look away from you. “Just stop and watch. She moves like poetry. Even in sadness she flows like a river down a mountain.” His eyes showed the hint of a smile inside.  
  
”Lucifer… why do you think she won’t harm herself?” Cas was inquisitive now hearing the archangel speak of a human this way.  
  
”She’s stuck in a catch 22 is all.”

”What do you mean? What is a catch 22?” He wasn’t interested in your actions anymore with the fallen angel speaking so strangely.

“It's a human saying, Castiel. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t as they say. Same outcome but different reasons.” He shifted, leaning forward in a ‘Thinking Man’ pose to watch you closer. “She wants to. A Lot. Sometimes it’s all I can hear.” Lucifer let his eyes fall to the floor briefly. His visual sadness was not lost on Cas. “But she’s stuck. She doesn’t know if she wants to do it because she’s weak or that she’s weak because she can’t bring herself do it.”  
  
So they watched.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first run at a ficlet that I wrote in my head before dawn today which also happened to fall on a sorrowful spn anniversary date.


End file.
